Memories

How much of their childhoods do people remember? How much of their adult lives do they remember? Do they remember everything about their children's milestones?

I don't.

I don't remember alot about my childhood. I remember my parents fighting - but always after we went to bed. I remember having to leave elementary school during recess to hide the mail so my dad wouldn't see it. I remember going camping but my mom staying in the trailer to cook and clean; my dad fishing with his mom and brothers; and my brother and I going on hikes with our cousins. I remember Christmases were so great - my mom worked a 2nd job to pay for the presents - and my dad always made sure it was special for us. Except the time he left my mom on Christmas eve - but I don't remember why but I do remember he came back for Christmas.

There are some things I remember but may blog about it sometime in the future when I'm ready. Sometimes, I wonder: what am I hiding from? is there something there to hide from? I didn't have the best childhood but why don't I remember most of it? Why do I only remember flashes here and there. Is this normal? Are most people like this?

I don't even remember alot about Hunter's milestones - I remember the day he walked but not when he lost his first tooth.

Sometimes memories will poke through but not stay long enough for me to remember details. It's like waking from a dream but not remembering what happened but the feelings of the dream are still there.

I tease about living in denial - but is this healthy? Do I even know? or am I analysing this too much? or maybe I'm getting close to "that time of the month" and being melancholy.

But it has always concerned me. I don't think it's normal. Maybe blogging will help me work through some of this. If not, maybe I'll see a therapist. But I can't see going to someone who's title (if separated) is the rapist. I kind of see it as "raping" someone's mind and emotions. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for that.

Welcome to our life - Lane, Jana, and Hunter. The joys of reading about us will include my favorite dog in the whole wide ever (Cash), and the sweetest ding dong dog ever (Bogey). I also want to warn friends and family that any thing they do could and will be used on my blog. I'm just sayin'....

The "Live Loud" is more accurate to Lane and Hunter. I'm a little more quiet - but not much more. They know how to have fun and live life alot better than I do. But I learn from them everyday - I hope they also learn from me.